


what to do when the world falls out from under you: an illustrated guide

by blissey



Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Darcy Lewis-centric, Darcyland (Marvel), F/M, Social Media, whoops spoilers for the last character tag ig
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-05 08:18:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18362162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blissey/pseuds/blissey
Summary: “General Thaddeus Ross passed away yesterday.” Pepper sat down across from Darcy, sliding a folder her way.“Thunderbolt Ross?” Darcy asked. “What happened?”“There are no witnesses. The only evidence we have is inside.”Within the folder were blurry security camera photos, depicting a blurry green mass running through the military compound. “Is this in Arizona?”Pepper nodded. “New Mexico. It was the original facility where Banner’s accident occurred. Ross and his entourage were found ripped apart and crushed there seven hours ago.”The photos, blown up and enhanced, showed the green, hulking, mass tearing through stone walls and leaving devastation and blood in its path. “Do the public have these photos?”“The Army does,” Pepper sighed, “and that’s worse.”“Just so we’re clear, this isn’t Bruce. Last night he ordered Thai takeout and watched NCIS. He posted about it on Instagram.”





	1. 00, 01, 02

00

Darcy Lewis took a sip from her iced coffee and surveyed the room before her - the loft Tony goddamn Stark had awarded them as an office for taking one for the team and doing the hard work was covered in silver and red streamers. Clementine, Darcy’s loyal head minion (out of the two minions Darcy had), was wearing a streamer in her afro, and her glasses had found themselves tangled up in said streamer, effectively moving her glasses to be dangling from Clem’s hair. Rafi, the sweet idiot, was playing Katamari while hanging upside down off of a hammock. His hair - wait a fucking second. Wait a fucking second.

“Rafael Santiago.” Darcy shouted, “do you have frosted tips? In the year of our lord 2017?”

Rafi shrieked, tossing the controller at the wall (and popping the batteries out) and flailing out of the hammock onto the floor.

Clem sat up, grabbing around her desk for her glasses, “that is what I said, word for word.”

“Buzzfeed said they were back in style. Hiroko likes them.” Rafi sputtered.

“Hiroko is taking the fucking piss,” Clementine said.

“Seconded.” Darcy sat down at her desk, “just look at how she runs the Old Man Logan Twitter. She’s joshing you, Rafi.”

Rafi groaned.

“Anyway, what are the streamers for?” Darcy polished off her coffee, chucking it in the garbage can.

“Celebrating the official addition of Spider-Man to our roster.” Clem supplied.

“What? We’ve been monitoring the Peter Parker account for the last year and running the Spider-Man account for six-months. Also,” Darcy looked around, “why not red and blue?”

“Haven’t the slightest. Maybe Stark thought we would get confused between Parker and Rogers?” Clementine shrugged, “have you seen my glasses?”

“In your afro,” Darcy wheeled over to inspect Rafi. “Status update, minion number two.”

“There are only two minions!” He protested, returning to his hammock. “And everything’s good. Tony is getting into arguments online, but nothing worrisome to our brand. Parker just graduated high school, so I think he’s becoming full-time with us.”

“Cool,” Darcy nodded, “Spider-Man still has a secret identity, right?”

“Yep.”

“Clem! Updates.”

She shrugged. “Carol is standing up to the President’s ban on transgender military members, Barnes is meeting with Chelsea Manning and the discussion is going to go up on her website. I’m accompanying. They are pitching it like a ‘how to talk about trans issues with your grandparents or parents’ discussion because, you know, Barnes was born in ‘25 and didn’t know about gender identities until like last week.”

Darcy nodded, “good, good. What does Spider-Man have to say about the trans-ban?”

“Spider-Man is disgusted,” Rafi reports, “his account has been climbing in followers and retweets in the last week after vocally being pro-trans. Parker okayed it.”

“I retweeted on the official Avengers account, as well as Widow and Hulk. Banner, Thor, and the Maximoffs retweeted on their own - I’m not entirely sure Thor understands gender at all, but his sibling, Loki, is trans, so he is supportive.”

“Ditto here.” Clem nodded, “Loki is trans?”

“Yeah,” Darcy nodded, “they don’t really have a gender. Or sometimes both. It’s how it goes in Asgard, I suppose.”

“Getting Banner to retweet is a good thing, right?” Rafi checked.

“He’s not a biologist, but he is very science-y.” Darcy said (“A scientist, one might say,” Clem noted.) “Fatima just texted me that F4 retweeted as well.”

“The Spider-Man accounts just spiked again,” Clem reported.

The elevator door slid open; “Lewis,” called Pepper Potts. “Assignment for you.”

 

 

01

“General Thaddeus Ross passed away yesterday.” Pepper sat down across from Darcy, sliding a folder her way.

“Thunderbolt Ross?” Darcy asked. “What happened?”

“There are no witnesses. The only evidence we have is inside.”

Within the folder were blurry security camera photos, depicting a blurry green mass running through the military compound. “Is this in Arizona?”

Pepper nodded. “New Mexico. It was the original facility where Banner’s accident occurred. Ross and his entourage were found ripped apart and crushed there seven hours ago.”

The photos, blown up and enhanced, showed the green, hulking, mass tearing through stone walls and leaving devastation and blood in its path. “Do the public have these photos?”

“The Army does,” Pepper sighed, “and that’s worse.”

“Just so we’re clear, this isn’t Bruce. Last night he ordered Thai takeout and watched NCIS. He posted about it on Instagram.”

“I know.” Pepper said. “But it looks like him. It feels like him. It could have been him.”

“It could have been, but it wasn’t. I texted him yesterday and he ran the instagram posts by me.” Darcy put her forehead on her palm.

“We know that, but the public doesn’t. When the army goes public with these photos, which they will, Bruce will have a target on his head. The army’s next move will be to bring him in, and ‘accidentally’ provoke the Hulk into a rampage while they do that.” Pepper continued, “the facts are that Bruce has no one to back up his alibi. While he did use social media and text you yesterday, those things can be faked (or posted from anywhere in the world). You know that, I know that, and the US Army knows that.”

Darcy’s head hit the desk. “Fuck. Do we know what this faux-hulk even was?”

“No clue.” Pepper said. “Tony himself is looking into it now. We haven’t told Bruce yet. Figured you might want to.”

“Do we know why Ross was at the base?”

“Not the slightest. May have to do with Betty Ross’ recent divorce from Major Glenn Talbot. Bruce doesn’t know about that either.”

“What does Bruce know?”

Pepper sighed, “that we are keeping things from him.”

“Goody.”

Darcy Lewis sent Clem a quick text before hopping back in the elevator and heading for Bruce’s favourite bakery. Nothing like some almond croissants before breaking potentially career-ending news to a cranky superhero.

TO: b bear  
FROM: darcy!  
[10:47 AM] hey b i’m coming over. snaggin some almond goodies on my way over. u want anything to drink?

TO: darcy!  
FROM: b bear  
[10:49 AM] Just some masala chai please. Add some cinnamon if they have it.

TO: b bear  
FROM: darcy!  
[10:53 AM] i think u are the only person in the world who doesn’t just say chai  
[10:53 AM] on it tho

TO: darcy!  
FROM: b bear  
[10:55 AM] Chai just means ‘tea.’ I very specifically want masala chai, not just tea.  
[10:56 AM] Thank you.

TO: b bear  
FROM: darcy!  
[11:16 AM] ok im here let me in!!!!!!  
[11:16 AM] bruce! bruce bruce! brucebrucebruce it’s so COLD let me in!!!!!!!

The door to Dr. Bruce Banner’s brownstone creaked open. “You are nearly thirty and you text like a tween.”

“My whole job is to be hip with the youth. That’s literally what I do for a living.”

He laughed, and Darcy felt the stupid flutter within her. Down, hormones, down.

It wasn’t Darcy’s fault he was literally (literally) the cutest ever. With his fluffy, curly cloud of black hair that was slowly turning to salt and pepper, and his perpetual stubble that he refused to let grow or shave completely. The lines in his face, from the furrowed brow that showed his years of trouble, to the recent laugh lines that showed redemption. His somehow sturdy and burly body, not as big as the other Avengers’, but impressive in its own right. And most of all, the brain inside that handsome skull, whirring with problems and solutions, not always matching. Brilliance, pure and unadulterated, lived in there, and it shined through the wry smiles and comments Bruce made when he was comfortable, or when he was sleepy and didn’t censor the way his brain worked, muttering little nothings about the density of the air or the notes of fragrance he detected. Some blankets were too soft, some leather too new, and while he usually kept it to himself, sometime in the last year, he began sharing it with Darcy Lewis (of all people).

Clem and Hiroko had teased her about it at first. Little stabs at how cute she thought he was, how she always had the hots for the nerds, and so on.

He looked at Betty’s picture all the time - it was on his mantle, his no-longer-worn engagement ring next to it in a little case. There were four photos of Betty in his brownstone; one on the mantle, one on the wall in the study, one in the collage of his friends and coworkers, and a framed engagement photo of the two of them in his closet upstairs.

In the present, Bruce took his tea and ushered Darcy inside. “What’s going on, Darcy?”

“You may want to sit down,” she warned. “I wish this were merely a personal venture.”

“Have I offended anyone?” He asked suddenly, standing. “I really don’t mean to. Let me know so I can learn from it.”

Fuck! He was just the best. Ever.

“Nah, not this time. This one was out of our control but we have to deal with the fallout.” Darcy passed him his pastry and sat at the breakfast bar. “So. Try not to freak out.”

He rolled his eyes, “I’ll try not to.”

“We have to start a little while ago.” Darcy reached out to hold his hand. “B, tell me if you want me to let go. Remember, words are important.”

“Copy that.”

Darcy swallowed. She was a professional. “In this past May, Dr. Betty Ross divorced Major Glenn Talbot.”

Bruce’s grip tightened considerably.

“We believe that she may have done it out of some midlife crisis situation or a rekindling of your old flame together. Have you two been in contact?” Darcy asked.

“No,” he choked out.

“Okay.” She stroked her thumb along his pointer finger. “Thank you for using your words. The reason we believe that Dr. Ross’ infatuation with you -”

“Love,” he interrupted. “Her love for me.”

Darcy clenched her jaw. “We believe her love for you was a part of the divorce because shortly after the divorce, General Ross began to investigate the now-abandoned Desert Base in New Mexico. You have been out of the public eye (more or less) for the last six months, so we do not believe any public appearances or Avengers news triggered this new investigation.”

Bruce’s hand was dangerously tight around Darcy’s.

“I need you to nod or shake your head to tell me if I should continue or not.”

He nodded.

“Last night, General Thaddeus Ross was killed by an unidentified enhanced creature. The creature was only caught by two security cameras and the stills are extremely blurry. The creature trashed the base and all inside. Would you like to see the photos?”

“I need a minute.”

“Sure.” Darcy pulled the folder out of her bag and sipped on her third iced coffee that morning.

Bruce rocketed to his feet. “Fuck! I’m an idiot. An idiot!”

Darcy stayed quiet.

“When they - when they detained me, the first time, I couldn’t shut off my equipment properly. I haven’t been back since. SHIELD wouldn’t send in a clean-up team to dispose of the equipment and experiment, deeming it - it too, too risky. They just, uh, just, uh, just roped off the area. Now that SHIELD is effectively defunct, the base would go back to the Army.” Bruce slammed his fists onto the countertop.

In the past, Darcy’s run-ins with the Hulk had been minimal. When they did meet, he didn’t seem to mind her much. Now that Darcy was a threat to Betty, Bruce’s One True Love™, Darcy didn’t like her odds too much.

“Show me the pictures.” Bruce muttered.

Darcy flipped open the folder and slid it his way.

“That can’t be. It - it looks like the Other Guy. But - I was here?”

Darcy nodded, “yeah. We think the Army is gonna use it to take you down in revenge for Thunderbolt.”

“But - it’s not me.”

“Who is it, then?”

 

02

FROM: darcy!  
TO: fati; hiroko <3  
[12:03 PM] emergency lunch meeting!

FROM: fati  
TO: darcy!; hiroko <3  
[12:04 PM] whts happenin

FROM: darcy!  
TO: fati; hiroko <3  
[12:05 PM] situation with the hulk and some old dirt. + bruce. need 2 vent without my team there

FROM: hiroko <3  
TO: fati; darcy!  
[12:05 PM] im already in the city!!!!!!!! where do u want 2 meet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hiroko and Fatima were the only two people in the world that knew what Darcy went through. As social media and PR for the X-Men and F4 respectively, they Got It.

Hiroko, a pretty girl with wild pink hair and four arms, was already at the restaurant when Darcy arrived. “Hey D!” She waved with one arm, saluting with another (while using her fork and knife to cut up her flatbread).

“Did you tell Rafi his frosted tips were cool?”

She flushed bright pink, “guilty! I do think they are pretty cool.”

“He’s a fashion disaster.”

“Wassup, bitches!”

Fatima Al Zaabi held a presence that filled up any room she entered, her charisma and sly wit enamoring everyone in her line of sight. “See you started without me, H. How are you holding up, Darce?”

Darcy sighed, “professionally or personally? Actually, they’re both bad. I just feel shitty.”

“Want to share?”

“Essentially, Hulk has been framed for the murder of General Ross. There is no way to corroborate his alibi, and the security footage shows a Hulk-size, Hulk-shape, Hulk-colour thing to be trashing the facility. Plus, I just had to tell Bruce that Betty divorced her hubby probably for him, and I watched him stare at the mantle for a good five minutes before I left.” She shook her head. “Oh! Spider-Man is an official Avenger, or he will be, tomorrow.”

“Jen Walters is considering going public. I’ll let her know that now is not the best time.” Fati said. “Also, she was with the 4 yesterday, at a charity event. Her alibi is tight.”

“I don’t have any tabs on Mystique, but even she isn’t dumb enough to do this.” Hiroko chimed in.

“Mystique’s not physically strong enough to wreck the compound like this. Plus, if she goes down, that will be one less morally grey villain out there.”

Darcy nodded. “We have Stark investigating the compound, and when B calms down he’ll be sent too. Betty Ross will probably be there.”

Hiroko reached out to pat Darcy’s back, brushing Darcy’s hair away from her face with another hand. “I’d offer to have Kitty look at it, but if the compound’s destroyed, there’s not much she can do. Want Magik to take us there?”

“No thanks. I have Wanda if I need a portal.” Darcy sighed again.

“So,” started Fatima, digging into her stew, “what’s the game plan?”

“I don’t know.” Darcy said.

“Tough.” Fati shrugged, “let’s look at what we know. One, the culprit wasn’t Bruce. Two, Betty Ross’ ex-husband was killed by an abomination of some sort at the same military base Bruce was transformed at. Three, Bruce wasn’t able to shut down his equipment properly, and if tampered with, the equipment could feasibly recreate the conditions under which Bruce first Hulked.”

Hiroko nodded enthusiastically. “If it’s true that Bruce’s experiment could be replicated then why isn’t there another Hulk around? Besides Jenny.”

“She just goes by Jen, H.” Fatima said. “But you’re on the right track. I’m assuming that there’s no recoverable security footage?”

“No,” Darcy said, “there is.”

Fatima grinned, “aha! Watch the last like, forty-eight hours. See exactly who came in.”

Hiroko used an arm to wave down a waiter. “Can I get an order of ‘mast claire?’”

The waiter stared blankly at her.

“She means mast khair.” Translated Fatima. “I’ll have the fesenjan. You want anything to eat, or just the dip, H?”

“Oh!” She laughed, “I’ll have the vegetarian plate.”

“Lamb kebobs, please.” Darcy handed over her menu.

“Next time,” Hiroko started, “we go get ramen. I will be in control!” She let out a maniacal laugh, or what was supposed to be one.

“So,” Fati started, “how’s working solo going, H?”

“You also work solo!” Hiroko countered.

“I have five people. You have an entire institute.”

She shrugged, “that’s true! I monitor most of them. Right now, Rachel and Kurt are” (Hiroko did big air quotes with three hands) “dating, so that’s new.”

“Why the quotes?” Asked Darcy.

“Rachel Grey? More like Rachel Gay. Also, Kurt looks and acts just like Alan Cumming, so he’s definitely gay too.”

Darcy choked on her water. “You can’t tell by looking at them, H! Also, Alan Cumming is bi, so revise that.”

Hiroko scrunched up her brow. “No he’s not.”

“He is,” Fatima said, settling it.

“Anyway, I found Rachel making out with Kitty on like four separate locations,” (“Do you mean ‘occasions?” Asked Fati.) “and Kurt comes out of Gambit’s room like every morning. Compelling evidence.”

Darcy shrugged. “I mean, she’s not wrong.”

“How do you know Kurt isn’t having some sibling bonding time?” Fatima pointed out.

“Rogue hasn’t lived with Remy for like, two years, Fati! Keep up!” Hiroko rolled her purple eyes. “Rogue spends most of her time with Logan, even though he’s old now. I think her and Logan-Prime had some stuff between them, so she feels a connection to Old-Logan and the kids. Well, Laura is like, my age, I think? But she’s still a kid. Rogue is like, their mom? She’s def a cool mom. Way better than Mystique was. I think she still has this complex about Jean even though Jean’s like, RIP, that she compares herself constantly. So she mothers Laura and Gabby and Daken, which is weird because Daken is like nearly as old as Steve Rogers. Speaking of, what’s his stance on the trans-ban?”

A plate of dolma and rice was placed in front of her. Hiroko clapped, “I changed my mind, we are eating here forever!”


	2. 03, 04, 05

03

FROM: darcy!  
TO: daddy t 👅  
[1:38 PM] yo i need you to get the security footage from the forty eight hours pre-explosion for us 2 watch

FROM: daddy t 👅  
TO: darcy!  
[1:41 PM] Already on it. How did Dr. Snuggles react to the news?

FROM: darcy!  
TO: daddy t 👅  
[1:43 PM] as 1 would expect. he stared lovingly at th picture of betty for a while. didnt hulk out so thts good? he says that he nvr got the chance to turn his equipment off bc shield would never let him go back 2 nm and the base went back 2 the army, so there’s a high chance that the experiment was recreated either by accident or on purpose and this new abomination hulk is the result  
[1:44 PM] also was ross’ body recovered from the site?

FROM: daddy t 👅  
TO: darcy!  
[1:44 PM] Hm. Good to know.  
[1:46 PM] I just checked. It was, according to the army, but no one from SHIELD or a reliable third party has corroborated it.  
[1:47 PM] What a fun word. Corroborated.

FROM: darcy!  
TO: b bear  
[1:50 PM] so bruce, you’re a big boy nd i trust you to make the right decision for the team and for SHIELD no matter wht u personally want  
[1:52 PM] are you coming with us to investigate desert base?

FROM: Pepper  
TO: darcy!  
[1:57 PM] Talbot is holding a press conference in three minutes. Get your team ready.

Darcy shot to her feet, flicking the TV on. “Clem, what channel is Glenn Talbot’s conference on? Rafi, I need you taking notes throughout the entire thing. Treat it like a college class.”

Clem read off the numbers and Darcy switched over to - “Fox News,” Clem said, “classy.”

It was a garbled mess of words, fake tears, and finger-pointing that in the end did nothing but frame Bruce for the General’s death.

“We will have justice for this fallen American hero.”

Clem shut the TV off. “What a load of bullshite.”

The Avengers (@theAvengers): “Our hearts go out to those affected by General Ross’ death.”

The Avengers (@theAvengers): “We can confirm that Dr. Banner was in his Manhattan home yesterday evening. 1/3”

The Avengers (@theAvengers): “Dr. Banner has not ‘gone green’ in over a week, and it is damning to suggest that he has so little control 2/3”

The Avengers (@theAvengers): “as to randomly endanger lives. Dr. Banner is one of the kindest humans on this planet. 3/3”

Spider Facts Daily (@blkwidow): “Best thoughts to the recently departed.”

Hawk Facts Daily (@hawkguy): “My thoughts and prayers go out to the Ross family.”

Clint Barton (@cfbarton): “he voted for trump and literally ruined banner’s life but like go off i guess”

LALO CHOVIHANI (@maximoffw): “ppl are framing bruce for a murder? last week i was the unstable one :/”

Dr. Bruce Banner (@drbbanner): “My thoughts are with Gen. Ross. I cared for him like a father.”

“Too much?” Asked Darcy, puslishing Bruce’s latest tweet.

Clem snorted. “Everyone and their mother knows Ross and B hate each other.”

“Eh.”

Captain America (@CptSteveRogers): “While I never worked with Gen. Ross, I am lead to believe he was an inspiration.”

sigorup !!!!! (maximoffp): “one time i “”tripped”” and spilt my coffee all over thunderbolt ross. sux 2 suck”

sigorup !!!!! (maximoffp): “i have been informed that my previous tweet was insensitive. i apologize”

HULK (@HULKED): “HULK SAD :(“

Shulkie (@theSheHulk): “My heart goes out to the Ross family. Gen. Ross was like a father to me.”

gay n evil (@magik): “dont u love the smell of humans killing each other in the morning”

#BottomRightsNow (@Magneto): “Wish I could say that my heart goes out to those affected, but it really doesn’t. Remember that time Ross publicly backed the MRD?”

#BottomRightsNow (@Magneto): “Or the time he voted in favor of the Sentinel program? Or you know - being ON THE HUMAN COUNCIL.”

“Oh, Magneto is saying what we are all thinking.” Rafi looked up, “man, my accounts are staying silent. I never thought Tony would shut up.”

Emma (@WhiteQueen): “@Magneto what about the time he literally called Pres. Obama a racial slur? That was fun.”

M (@monetstcroix): “@Magneto @WhiteQueen once I saved him from a helicopter crash and the next day he called me a terrorist.”

Betsy Braddock (@psylocke): “@Magneto once he told me to go back to China. I’m British.”

“Oh, I spoke too soon,” Rafi said, “Tony just retweeted all the X-Men bitching about Ross. Feels bad.”

“The logical businesswoman in me says to delete those.” Darcy spun in her new office chair. “The part of me that met Ross says to keep them up.”

“Which part is winning?” Asked Clem.

“Rafi, keep ‘em up.”

FROM: b bear  
TO: darcy!  
[2:49] I will be joining the team in NM. I have talked to Tony about it. Are you coming with us?

FROM: darcy!  
TO: b bear  
[2:52] i am going as well  
[2:53] i hope you know what you’re doing, bruce.

 

04

Bruce and Tony met Darcy in the Quinjet.

Tony, as always, looked put together and barely ruffled. He held an iced thai tea in his hand and took a long sip (in the way one would take a drag from a cigarette) before waving at Darcy. Bruce, on the other hand, looked like he hadn’t slept last night. His hair, normally disheveled, looked positively wrecked, like he had been a second away from ripping it out. His glasses were on a chain (bad sign, that meant he kept losing them), and his shirt had the top three buttons undone, giving Darcy a glimpse of his chest hair. Stop it, Darce. Focus.

Also on the Quinjet was Agent Brand - whoops, Lt. Commander Brand - and Agent Deems, Brand’s right hand.

“What is SWORD doing here? Isn’t this a SHIELD mission?” Darcy nudged Tony before leaning over and taking a sip of his thai tea.

“Nice to see you too, Lewis.” Brand said, raising an immaculate eyebrow. God, she was like the government version of Emma Frost. Gave Darcy the heebie-jeebies.

“Brand. Deems.” Darcy nodded. “Is this an extraterrestrial concern?”

“We don’t know,” Tony cut in. “We’ve also got some SHIELD goons here as well.” He pointed at the two women talking in the corner -

One of the women turned to meet Darcy’s eyes. “I’m Agent Johnson of SHIELD. This is Agent Rodriguez. The Director sends her regards, Stark.”

“Oh shit,” Tony said, “May’s the Director now? When did Coulson step down?”

Johnson shrugged, “classified.”

Tony gave the biggest eye roll Darcy had ever seen and turned back to her. “Typical.”

With that, the Quinjet lifted off.

“And who are you?” Agent Johnson asked.

“Darcy Lewis,” Darcy shook her hand, “I’m PR for the Avengers. I’m also friends with Bruce.”

She laughed, “makes sense. I would ask to be on the Avengers Insta, but the whole secret agent biz. You know how it is.”

Darcy grinned, “yeah, I get ya.”

It took about an hour for the Quinjet to reach its destination - Brand tapped her foot the whole way there while Tony played a game on his phone. Wise of him to stay so silent. Darcy sat next to Bruce, rubbing his shoulder in comfort.

“How you holding up?”

“I’m okay,” he said, not quite meeting Darcy’s eyes.

Sensing that was as good as she was gonna get, Darcy opened Twitter.

Nothing much piqued her interest - Bruce laid his head on her shoulder to get a look at the flood of tweets.

gay n evil (@magik): “the first american song i heard was ra ra rasputin…….”

kit kat ! (@kittypryde): “@magik illyana sweetie ra ra rasputin is a german song”

gay n evil (@magik): “@kittypryde but they speak english in it. why”

kit kat ! (@kittypryde): “@magik probably because the english speaking world was the largest market for disco, hence why abba’s songs are in english too”

gay n evil (@magik): “@kittypryde wait abba isn’t american?”

kit kat ! (@kittypryde): “@magik they are swedish. hwo do you not know these things”

gay n evil (@magik): “@kittypride i grew up in hell! anyway i need 2 sit down”

“What does she mean she grew up in hell?” Bruce asked, his voice a rumble against Darcy’s shoulder. She didn’t shiver, a feat that would make Thor quake.

“I think her mutant power is making portals to a demon dimension that resembles hell. She’s like the queen of hell when she’s not an X-Man.”

“Jeez. Where does Summers find these kids?”

Darcy snorted. “I think he still feels guilt for losing his brother and is determined to dad every mutant under the age of twenty-five.”

“Isn’t his brother fine?” Bruce asked.

“Yeah, but he and Scott thought the other was dead for like, ten years. Sucks.”

“Huh,” Bruce said, “I think I have it bad, but Summers is just a whole cacophony of angst. And he’s what, half my age?”

“He’s thirty. You’re only forty five. Stop being such an old man.” Darcy exhaled. “Wow. I’m older than Scott Summers. What a life.”

LALO CHOVIHANI (@maximoffw): “HAPPY PASSOVER EVERYONE!”

LALO CHOVIHANI (@maximoffw): “this year is going to be my first seder with the whole family! it’s been a long time coming :)”

LALO CHOVIHANI (@maximoffw): “@iceboy @iceman @kittypryde YOU GUYS ARE ALL INVITED TOO!!!!!!! @theIncredibleNightcrawler u too!”

“Why is she inviting Kurt, the most Catholic person on this continent, to her seder?” Bruce asked.

“She and Kurt have a kid together in an alternate universe, according to Hiroko.” Darcy shrugged. “It’d be weird to have his daughter over and not invite him.”

sigorup (@maximoffp): “@maximoffw Luna and I are on our way!”

“We’re touching down soon.” Brand crossed her arms.

New Mexico was just as Darcy remembered it - so warm it seemed suffocating, so open and unimpeded it was just an ocean of sand and rock. Darcy shivered, “last time I was here, Thor fell out of the sky.”

“The last time I was here, I turned into the Hulk.”

“To the olden days,” Tony raised his now-empty thai tea to the sky in a salute.

“Huzzah!” Cheered Darcy. Brand stalked by them, Deems trotting behind her. Johnson and Rodriguez followed, leaving Tony, Darcy, and Bruce in the dust.

Having never visited an army base before, Darcy found it to be rather unimpressive at first glance. It was a sprawling array of tawny buildings (almost reminiscent of a mission’s complex); ‘LOS DIABLOS MISSILE BASE’ was painted on the side.

“I thought it was called Desert Base?”

Bruce shrugged, “it is. Los Diablos is the civilian name. We all call it Desert Base. I don’t know why.”

The base itself was flooded with army goons, their uniforms blending into the beige walls. Bruce, beginning to shut down, lead the way to where his old station was. It was completely trashed, wrecked from the inside out. It almost looked as if someone had grown into Hulk sizes inside the room.

That was probably exactly what happened, now that Darcy thought about it.

“Okay B Bear, show us how it works.” Darcy turned to Bruce, only to see him pale with his jaw clenched. “Okay. Tony, show us how it works!”

Tony launched into a long scientific explanation that Brand and Johnson ate up, while their respective cronies stared at the wall. Darcy moved over to comfort Bruce: “hey, can I touch you?”

Bruce nodded, and Darcy rubbed her hand on his back. “I’m sorry, B Bear.”

“I shouldn’t have come.” Said Bruce. “I thought it had been long enough. I thought I was ready.”

“It’s okay. Wanna go back to the quinjet while Tony and the agents investigate?” Darcy asked.

He nodded again, and Darcy lead him out of the room - and right into a woman who was pacing in the hallway. She was tall and willowy, and when she turned to see who disturbed her pacing Darcy gasped:

Betty Ross.

05

Bruce flung out of Darcy’s arms, straight towards Betty, and Darcy felt her heart break.

She knew, of course, that Betty is Bruce’s forever girl, and that even if she ever worked up the courage to ask Bruce out he would say no - even if he said yes, it would be temporary, something to tide him over until Betty came back into his life. A small, horribly selfish part of Darcy had wished that Betty never came back to Bruce so she could have him all to herself. The rest of Darcy hated that part, but as Bruce rushed to Betty’s side, her head was overtaken with raw jealousy. Completely primal and bleeding, the jealousy drowned out her rational brain’s thoughts of that this was good for Bruce. It really was. Darcy didn’t care. She never had him to begin with.

“Betty,” Bruce gasped.

“Bruce,” she engulfed him in a hug, burying her head in his shoulders. She was taller than him, and she had to stoop down, but Darcy knew the comfort in those shoulders. She’d hugged Bruce many times.

“What are you doing here?” Bruce asked, his voice raspy.

“I came looking for my dad’s killer.” She said.

“You know it’s not me, right?”

She smiled, “of course I do.”

Darcy couldn’t stomach this. She did what every millenial did best, and retreated into her phone.

FROM: darcy!  
TO: fati  
[10:21 AM] help betty ross is here and bruce is all over her  
[10:22 AM] i feel so helpless and pathetic but like i know this cant stop me from doin my job

FROM: fati  
TO: darcy!  
[10:23 AM] damn right! u cnt let him have this much pwr over u, darce  
[10:23 AM] u need to do your job, clear his name, be a BADASS, and then deal with betty ross and ur weird crush on the hulk

FROM: darcy!  
TO: fati  
[10:24 AM] you’re right. priorities babey!

FROM: fati  
TO: darcy!  
[10:24 AM] go get em grl!

With that, Darcy steeled her jaw, staunchly ignored how Bruce was sobbing quietly into Betty’s shirt, turned around and marched back into the room.

“What’s up, Darce?” Tony looked up at her from where he was fiddling with the equipment.

“Nothing much. Bruce’s forever girl is here, so that doesn’t complicate things at all.” 

“Yikers,” Tony said. “Well, in other news, I’ve confirmed that the experiment was reactivated, with possibly the same results as Banner’s original accident. All we have to do now is find the poor soul who was fooling around in here and question them as to why they were fooling around in here.”

“They’re big and green,” said Brand. “I can’t imagine it’ll be hard to find them.”

“Unless they can shift back and forth like Bruce can,” Tony pointed out, “then, they could be anyone. And anywhere. Essentially, assuming the army isn’t hiding this Hulk 2.0, we have to look at everyone who was on base in the hours before the accident.”

“That’s assuming we aren’t dealing with espionage,” Brand said. “Looking at everyone scheduled to be on base in naive. We need to examine security footage for any jumps implying it has been tampered with.”

“Or,” Johnson spoke up, “we can combine the two ideas, and look at the security footage to find out who on base we need to look at. The security on this base is pretty tight, and I’d assume that a breach would be a big deal. Wouldn’t it be easier to go undercover?”

“Copy that, ladies.” Tony grinned. “This is gonna be fun.”

Darcy’s phone was going wild - she glanced down at it only to see panicked texts from Hiroko.

FROM: hiroko <3  
TO: darcy!  
[10:32 AM] kitty locked me out of all the twitters help!!!!!  
[10:32 AM] this is the third time shes done this >:(  
[10:33 AM] i know she doesnt respect me but this!!!!!! is just overkill!!!!!!!

Darcy, putting the dots together, checked Twitter.

Teen Jean (@marvelgirl): “KPop is kinda fun huh”

emma (@WhiteQueen): “@marvelgirl stan LOONA”

gay n evil (@magik): “@marvelgirl stan loona”

billy (@wikkan): “@marvelgirl stan loona”

hotter than edward cullen (@jubilee): “@marvelgirl stan loona!”

kit kat ! (@kittypryde): “@marvelgirl loona said gay rights!”

Teen Jean (@marvelgirl): “Who is Loona and what is stan?”

emma (@WhiteQueen): “@marvelgirl nobody tell her”

Teen Jean (@marvelgirl): “@WhiteQueen this isn’t funny!”

“Jesus,” Darcy sent Clem a quick text telling her to head up to Westchester and help Hiroko gain back control.

“Trouble in paradise?” Asked Tony.

“Just some Social bullshit.” Darcy sighed, “Kitty Pryde locked Hiroko out of all the X-Men Twitters. Again. Now all the X-Teens are ganging up on Teen Jean.”

“What are they saying?”

“Stan Loona.” Darcy said. “Some stupid K-Pop Twitter joke that Jean is falling prey to.”

“Stan Loona!” Called Johnson. “Loona said gay rights!”

“Oh my god.” Darcy put her hand on her forehead. “We’ve been infiltrated. By Twitter K-Pop stans.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new chapter babes look at me im so motivated.... catch me on twitter @g0ffier for my kpop twitter and @emmafroststan for my comic and writing twitter

**Author's Note:**

> hi welcome to another fic i probably wont finish whoohoo!! anyway i LOVE darcy and bruce and i had this idea that has absolutely been done before where she runs social media for avengers so this is kinda a social media AU kinda a mystery mostly darcy and bruce being cute


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